I really should be working on my paper right now, but had to capture these thoughts that are swirling and threatening to implode…..

The other day at the uni library I asked how many books PhD students like myself were allowed. 50 I was told. I almost burst out laughing! As if anyone would have 50 books out.

As I sit with now 47 weighty books, 300 journal articles printed and a list a mile long of the other references I would like to find, I am no longer laughing.

Starting (and sticking with) the initial literature review for the doctorate has been a challenge for me. The way I approach most things in life is collect ALL the info I need to know on a subject, then go through it systematically, eliminating the things I don’t need and synthesizing down to what I do need in a manageable format. From the start of the year the messages I have been receiving is that this is not the way to go. Instead it is a ‘journey of discovery’ (lilting pan flutes) and you read something and this leads to something else which leads to something else and off you go on a magical journey.

Well for 6 months I tried this approach and let me tell you it did not feel Harry Potteresque. I would read 1 article, from the references at the back it would lead to 10 others, they each lead to more and so on until it became this unmanageable cycle of finding articles (and finding journal articles online can take quite a lot of time, it is a fiddly process when you are doing it as a on-off), reading the article, adding it into the reference list, categorizing it then thinking critically about it and synthesizing it. I got so confused as to what I had found, what I had referenced, how things all fit together that it was driving me insane and I got nowhere.

So the other way I went back to the way that I work – and it is different for everyone. I am a big picture person. I need to see the big picture first, the overall schema, then I can hone into details. But if you just give me details to start with it feels like I am only getting snippets of the picture, I don’t get how things relate to each other, I don’t get how they fit into the scheme of things and I just get confused.

So for the latest ‘area’ for the literature review self-regulated learning (SRL), I did it my way!

The Prue Salter Guide to Literature Review (ie reading what has been researched in this area previously.

1. First I just searched on SLR and found any articles I could. Printed those out. Then I looked through the list of references at the back of these. Found them, printed them out. Then I repeated this process over and over until there were no new names coming up in the references that were relevant to what I was looking at. Within the space of a few hours, I had a pile of 70 journal articles and a really clear picture of who the key people in the field were, what the key articles were (as they were mentioned again and again across different readings).

2. I then when through and typed up all of the references for the bibliography and wrote the author and year of writing at the top.

3. Then I sorted then chronologically ie from oldest to newest as I want to get a feel for how the field developed.

4. Then I lay on my bed with my cats for a few hours and read through all 70 articles from the oldest ones to latest. Yes I am a really fast reader so that helps, but I also would make a judgment as to how relevant that article was and if not as relevant would skim it rather than read in-depth.

5. While reading I sorted into 2 piles, stuff that was really key to what I needed to write about, stuff that was not what I needed right now and would review later.

6. Then I pushed off the cats (they were not happy) and sat down with the articles and some chocolate (I know, should have been nuts and a banana or something healthy but we all have our weaknesses) and wrote a synopsis of the research.

7. I know I will have to go through all the articles again more thoroughly, but at least it is a start and I have a good understanding and a solid base to work from.

Why didn’t I just listen to my instincts and do this months ago?????

This info now was part of the 40 pages of writing I needed to go through and refine to send to my lecturer. So no matter WHAT you are did last weekend, you would have been having a better weekend than me.

On the Taronga Zoo Course note, we only have 4 more lessons left but I still have 6 practical days to do at Marine Mammals. We are the hospital for these last few weeks, Taronga also operate a wildlife hospital where they get birds, possums, turtles etc brought in by the public. This week there was a poor kookaburra with head injuries who looked totally out of it, some stunning owls and an eagle and lots of turtles. We had to practice safe restraint techniques on a baby possum (all 13 of us picked he up one by one, part of his negative conditioning to stop trusting humans so he can go out in the wild, then a long-necked little turtle not much bigger than your hand then a big beautiful cranky sea turtle who was so heavy you could barely lift him (hands front and back of shell) and who demonstrated that when animals are stressed or being handled they will inevitably defecate or urinate on you so be careful how you hold them and where you point them. As one of the students lifted it it shot a stream of foul smelling poo across the white towel.

Perhaps these journal articles aren’t so bad after all.

1. To start thinking more open-ended rather than a closed, quantitative, Mathematical approach (which is what comes naturally to me). I am solutions driven, ends-focused and it is a real push for me to be more open to exploration rather than outcome. To me this is one of the biggest challenges I face in my doctoral studies. I toyed with the idea of going down the quantitative path where I feel safe and comfortable, but decided I wanted to extend myself, I wanted to do something outside my comfort zone and even though at times the thinking seems alien to the lens through which I view the world, I do want to pursue this path and push myself beyond the statistical approach which would be much simpler and less stressful for me towards a qualitative approach.

2. I spend all of my time taking complex ideas and distilling them down to a simple, straightforward synopsis and picking the eyes out of a mass of information and transforming it into practical steps to be followed. For the doctorate I have to think the exact opposite way. I am used to honing in on the bottom line, I have to remind myself that the end point is not the driving factor and although for me it feels like I am ‘waffling’ when I don’t distill down to the basic concepts, this is what is needed. So changing my thinking and writing to look at big picture, wider issues instead of detail and final outcome is also a massive challenge for me.

In contrast, for the zoo course I had to recently write a short manual on how to hand rear kittens. Very factual, very to the point and very very different to doctoral studies – as one would expect a TAFE course would be!

An interesting way of looking at the doctorate, in a way I hadn’t looked at it before, is how the process is a fashioning and presenting of reality. My mathematical background tends to process everything as ‘facts’ and ‘black and white’ and ‘objective’ but the more I read the more I realize that there is no reality and everything is subjective and influenced by the viewers background, assumed knowledge, prejudices, interpretations.

Some interesting quotes from Kapitzke (1998):

“the research trajectory itself was characterized by a high degree of ongoing change in theoretical, methodological, and political conceptualization”

“Problematise hidden assumptions of my role as researcher”

“the scales fell from my eyes as I came to see the insurmountable political position I had assumed in the research process”

“postructural insights … prompted the realization that as an ethnographer I was sensitive to the cultural convention of my institution and practice as an academic researcher and writer… I was, in effect, oblivious to the theoretical, epistemological, and political implications of what I was doing to myself and my community.”

Originally the researcher in this article approached the data collection as ‘fact’ collection but finally realized all data is coloured by background, beliefs, societies and “that as text, data was also discourse” . The text being produced as neither objective nor value- neutral but bound up in the “interests, values, purposes, and ideologies of both my subjects, my supervisor and myself. Subjects’ testimonials were not real or raw social phenomena. They were discourse: mediated descriptions and reflections particular to a specific cultural, historical and geographic context”.

“A further implication was that, as there was apparently no universal truth in text, I had to wrestle with the notion of the fiction of factual representation and of ethnographic fiction.”

All very interesting stuff to someone who does tend to take a black and white view of the world. Another interesting point raised was that what you are excluding is as important and telling as what you are including and concluding.
 

From the other side of my studies, the Taronga Zoo course, we heard an interesting story the other day about the gorillas. Apparently the gorillas are real big softies. They are petrified of the little turtles in the moats and will run screaming if they see them. The keeper said she once saw a duck sitting with about 10 little babies under it in the gorilla enclosure, little heads peeping out from mum. The massive silverback crept up behind the duck and then smack, whacked its hand down on the ground behind the duck then ran away – the duck and ducklings of course had a heart attack and scattered to the 4 winds. She was convinced the gorilla found the whole thing hilarious.

 
Kapitzke, K (1998) Narrative on a Doctoral Narrative: Reflections on postgraduate study and pedagogy, Australian Educational Researcher, Vol 25, No 2, pp 95-111.

One of the articles I read recently about doctoral studies discussed the relationship between self-identity and the doctorate and how these relationships are constructed. One way is self-actualization, where there is a strong sense of personal investment and the relationship between the learner’s personal and professional selves are entwined. In this case often the learner is completing the doctorate to validate professional identity and experience, perhaps to compensate for a lack of confidence in self. Another way identity is constructed is through social construction. In this situation the doctorate helps shape the learner’s professional identity and helps those in early stages of their career acquire workplace experience.

So what does the doctorate represent for me? Years ago it was just something I’d always wanted to do and always thought I’d do one day. I enjoy studying and it was the natural progression at some stage in my studies – the end goal I aspired to do ‘one day’. Now that ‘one day’ has arrived and I am 6 months into the program, I think there are two main reasons why I want to work on this doctorate. Firstly to do in a formal academic way, based on a theoretical framework of the relevant literature, what I have been doing informally for the past 10-15 years. I think I know what study skills students need, I think I have worked out ways to address these, but it is based on my experience and observations, it really lacks a research base. Although I have always collected data about these aspects from the relevant stakeholders, it has been on an informal basis. Now I can approach this with a more academically rigorous approach. The second reason is that the reality is that completing a PhD definitely adds greater credibility to what I do.

On a lighter note, still doing the Taronga Zoo course, the baby elephant is SO cute: http://babyelephant.taronga.org.au/

Scott, D, Brown, A, Hunt, I & Thorne, L 2004, ‘Identity’, in Professional doctorates: integrating professional and academic knowledge, Society for Research into Higher Education and Open University Press, Maidenhead, Berkshire, pp 126-137.

As I sit in a scooter shop at Manly waiting for my bike to be serviced (I have discovered with both cars and bikes that if you make it clear you are going to sit and wait it gets completed much faster!), I am using this time to reflect on a number of articles I have been reading lately about the doctoral research process.

It is interesting to think about the difference between a doctorate undertaken immediately after completion of your degree ie early 20s and a doctorate at my stage of life ie after 20 odd years of working in the field. If I had done a doctorate at 20 instead of 40, I guess it would have been in something from one of my degrees at the time – ie English literature, perhaps something that explored poets such as Keats, Donne, Yeats or Mathematics – perhaps something in queuing theory . Yet when I look at these topics, they have absolutely no relevance to my life as it has evolved over the last 20 years.

In some ways, everything I have been doing has been leading to the doctoral research I am looking at – exploring the gap between independent learning skills secondary students need and what is actually developed at school and how to address this need using an online space. So if I look at what I have done since leaving uni: teaching, running my own business in study skills, developing my web and programming skills – they all contribute to the development of my research question. I just to wish I had done a doctorate immediately after my degree as it would have been so much easier without the pressure to earn, to pay a mortgage and the other associated responsibilities you accumulate in life.
But now that regret has vanished. By doing my doctorate at this stage in my life, I am able to work on a research topic that truly reflects who I am, what I do and what I want to know. I also bring 20 years of experience and perspective to what I am doing that although means I do have to be aware of pre-conceived ideas and notions it does mean that I have a richer tapestry of knowledge and awareness to work with. And as an additional aside, my background in study skills is a definite advantage as so far everything I read about note-taking, research skills etc is not new to me and are all strategies I use.

The start of the year is always the busiest time for me work-wise and I have had a number of revelations the last few months about the whole PhD process….

1.     When you are at school there is a huge gap between going from Year 10 to Year 11. It is the only year where there is such a massive jump in expectations and in ability needed. I think this particular transition is a bigger jump even than going from Year 12 to uni. Well I have found  a new gap that makes this old one look laughable… the gap from a Masters to a PhD. I have a new sense of respect for anyone who has a doctorate – in fact I can’t believe really how many people have made it to the end of the process. In some ways it would be mush much easier if you did it straight after your degree without entering the real world first. If I had done this when I was in my early 20s, I think it would not have been as challenging as I am finding it now. After 5 degrees I did not expect it to be that much different or much more challenging than anything I had done before – just longer. I was wrong though, it is so different from anything I have done before and the expectations are beyond what I had anticipated. In my 20s I would have expected it to be hard, I would have expected to know nothing at the beginning and I think that would have been an easier attitude to have entered with.  I attended a really interesting seminar with a student who was a few years down the track who outlined that she had the same experience – she’d come into the PhD with first class honours and could not understand how she was suddenly stuck in a ‘swamp’.

I loved this quote they showed at the seminar, which leads into my next point:

The ordeal of candidature is a mad process in its assignment of a structural role to insecurity. It challenges the candidate’s sense of worth, provoking a trauma of loss as one of its central knowledge-producing mechanisms, one which is often cruelly prolonged or repeated.
Frow, J. (1988) Discipline and Discipleship. Textual Practice. 2 (3) :pp. 307-323.

The seminar also made these points:

Challenges the candidate’s sense of self worth – provokes a trauma of loss as one of its central knowledge-producing mechanism. It is a breaking down of the former sense of self. One begins as a sole writer with a fixed sense of self, and then moves towards becoming part of a discursive community where you learn to speak the same language with a common vocab.

2.     There are a lot of articles about reconstructing your sense of identity when doing a PhD and I can see now where this comes from. At first you begin with a really clear idea and sense of confidence about what you want to research. Then as you start to explore the topic and find out how very little you know, the confidence erodes and doubt seeps in. Again, in your 20s you are much less aware of what you don’t know and I feel this ignorance in some ways would be bliss. Anyway, so after your sense of self has been eroded as you become aware of how little you know and how far you have to go, you then start to recreate your image of yourself as a researcher piece by small piece. Everything else you have done prior to this is absolutely meaningless. It has all been swept away and you are in kindergarten again. You now have to start taking baby steps again as you firm up your research question and start to think about how you will approach the research you do. I get comments from Year 7 students about how now they have come to high school they are the little kids whereas they used to be the big kids. I know what they mean, I don’t like being the little kid again either. 

3.     And talking of firming up the research question… it seems so clear until your supervisor starts discussing it with you And then you realise that getting the general idea of what you want is not enough, you need to ensure every word is selected to represent exactly what you want it to represent. So first the topic is too broad, then too narrow, then you read someone else’s and think oh that is so much clearer or gee that is a good idea next thing you know you are being pulled in every which way and have totally lose clarity about what you want to know. I said to my supervisor that I thought that this whole stage really sucked and he said he recalled saying something similar to his supervisor. Meanwhile others are talking about enjoying every moment, enjoying the process and I must admit that I am not. I don’t like the uncertainity, I like clarity – and I don’t like having to spend too long in the fog before it clears.

4.     Of course the lack of control is another big issue for me. Ideally I like things to be very systematic. But the literature review is anything but. I would really like to sit down, go through all relevant journals, locate a list of all 300+ relevant articles I should read, then start systematically working my way through them. But it doesn’t work that way. You find one source, then this leads to something else, and then you change direction and then there is something else to explore and it is all tangents and sidelines and very messy. But this is the way it has to be approached. It is also frustrating as there is so much reading you would like to do and I have the feeling that no matter how much I do there are always going to be more articles that people say have you read such and such? 

So it has been a challenging few months as I come to grips with all of this and try to find enough time to do all the reading – and thinking – I need to do. I am definitely cutting down on my commitments next year though to make more time for my uni work.

You can see what I have done so far by clicking on the links n the left hand side of the page at: http://www.pruesalter.wikispaces.com/

So on another note, the Taronga Zoo course is going very well. The task for this week was to write a speech on a topic we had been given, we have to present it next week. Below is my speech. Oh it was so nice to have something simple and contained that I could complete in a short space of time.  Not getting that sense of completion or satisfaction with anything I am doing for uni at the moment as no matter how much I get done my list of what I’d like to do / need to do never seems to get smaller.

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Interpretative Theme

Tasmanian devils are tragically at risk from a contagious and deadly form of cancer that threatens to lead to extinction within 10-15 years. While the search for a cure continues, there are ways that people can contribute to the cause of saving the Tasmanian devil.

Location: Tasmanian Devil Enclosure

Key Messages

-       There is a cancer threatening the devils.

-       They pass it through a natural behavior of biting.

-       Just in case we can’t cure it, we are breeding an insurance population in zoos etc across Oz.

-       We need financial support to do this, so visit the website and donate.

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SPEECH:

Hook

I’d like everyone here to look very carefully at our Tasmanian Devils for a moment, and try and memorise exactly what they look like. Now close your eyes and picture what you’ve just seen. Can you see them in your mind? Open your eyes. Well in maybe 10-15 years, a memory, or perhaps a photo, might be all that is left of the devils.

Introduction

Welcome to Taronga Zoo where we are working to save the Tassie Devil. My name is Prue and today you are going to hear about the struggle this native Australian animal is facing.

Transition: You might already have heard about it in the news. Does anyone know what is threatening the devils?

• Devil Facial Tumour Disease
• rare form of cancer
• will kill the devil within 6 months of the cancer appearing on their face
• very contagious

Transition: You see, it’s almost as easy for the devils to catch this cancer, as it is for you to catch a cold. Have you ever been around a friend who sneezed near you and later you got sick? Well, imagine a cold where you had to bite your friend to catch it! .

• That’s how the devils pass the cancer to each other.
• You might think “that seems ok, as long as the devils don’t bite each other they won’t catch the cancer”.
• But the problem is, biting is a natural part of their behavior during feeding and mating.
• And so, the cancer continues to spread in the wild.

Transition: So, what can we do to save the Tassie Devil? We can’t stop them doing their natural behaviours!

• Scientists are racing against the clock to find a cure for this cancer.
• But there is concern they will not find one in time.
• So here is what Taronga Conservation Society is doing.
• We are working with other zoos across Australia on an ‘insurance breeding program ‘to create a cancer free population of devils
• This way, if the worst happens, and the disease wipes them out in the wild, zoos can one day repopulate the wild.

Conclusion

So although this cancer is a serious threat to the devils, there real steps being taken to save the Tassie Devil. In fact, the good news is that since 2008 when they were listed as endangered, the breeding program has produced 34 joeys already. (Pass out pics) They are actually quite cute aren’t they! If you’d like to show your support of the devil, then visit our interactive tassie devil appeal website, listed on the sheet there (www.tassiedevilappeal.org). It is great fun, and you can even breed your own virtual devil or create your own devil family! The donations through the site help to support our work to breed a cancer free Tassie devil population, just like the ones you see here today!

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Actually it was quite interesting reading about this topic. Here are some more facts I couldn’t fit into the 3 minute speech. Tassie devils used to be all over Australia up until about 4000 years ago when dingos were introduced and survived in Tasmania due to no dingos there. There were called devils by European settlers due to their demonic grunts and high pitched squeals and red ears.  They have really powerful jaws so crunch up and eat all parts of their prey. They live around 5 years in the wild, usually have once a year and as they are a marsupial the young spend 5 months in their pouch.  This cancer appeared around 1996 and it is mostly spread during the devils biting each other during the feeding frenzy. They prefer to be solitary animals but cooperate when feeding. The facial cancers are horrific looking, looks like their face is being eaten away and many of them die from starvation due to the facial cancers as they are unable to eat. The problem is that as about 90% of them have been wiped out, the gene pool has been depleted and so when they bite each other as the genetic material is similar the immune system does not recognize the cancerous cells as foreign matter and so the tumor forms. There has been some progress in the search for a cure for the cancer but it seems like it will not be found in time. So the zoos want to try and build up a quarantined disease free population of 1500, they have about 115 now. So a long way to go.

Some ideas after reading this article:

Perhaps we need to question what we are trying to achieve before we can decide whether the end result showcases ‘good educational research’.

A criticism of doctoral research raised in this article is that it can sometimes lead to the production of things read only by 3 people. This had been a criticism that previously I would have agreed with. Being a pragmatic type of person, I like things to have a purpose and an outcome so I had always been a bit dismissive about researching something that does not have a practical application and outcome. Find something out, then use this knowledge to make something better.

However I am now starting to question this approach, and really the whole thrust of the PhD is that you are significantly contributing to the wider body of knowledge in your field. Although the work may not have immediate practical applications, it may lead to further developments in the future – we get higher by standing on the shoulders of those who have gone before us.

But perhaps I am focusing too much on outcomes? The article points out that being forced to pursue research in a ‘pure’ way is an experience that can train and transform a potential researcher and help them develop and refine not only their research skills but also undertake a personal journey of discovery. The experience and scope and depth of the research may lead the candidate into questioning their own beliefs and assumptions not just about their topic but about the research process in general.

This tallies with some advice I received from other (further along) doctoral students. The advice was to treat the whole process as a journey of discovery, to not worry if you cannot see all the steps lined up but instead to focus on the immediate steps and to in effect take a leap of faith that eventually everything will come together.

The definition in the article of what is a PhD: ‘A PhD is a form of accreditation that certifies that the holder has proved himself or herself as a researcher and warrants admission to the community of licensed academics or competent scholarly independent researchers’.

So what is good educational research?

I think it is original and creative yet has taken into account the existing research (interesting point made in the article: the problem to be tackled should emerge naturally from the literature review). The research has been done properly. Methodology is well-thought out and applied appropriately. The research question has been addressed resulting in an original contribution to knowledge in that field.

The first lesson of the zoo and the the first Community of Scholars meeting I attended had little in common apart from the fact that I rode my scooter to both.

At the zoo we discussed the changing role of modern zoos and zookeepers, we petted an echidna, analysed the nocturnal house, saw where they did the food prep with the bags of vacuum packed mice, and I gave an inquisitive quokka a head and chin rub for awhile.

At the first CoS meetings, I listened to an interesting presentation on the reform of the HK educational system which began just after I left HK mid 2000. Has been a challenging time for teachers there and now with populations dropping they will begin to experience unemployment too as up to 30% of schools are closed.

I also experienced a positive and negative feeling:
- The positive one was the feeling that I am now part of a new community, the research community particularly in the education faculty, at UTS. I am now a member of this group, I can see all sorts of opportunities for interesting academic discourses and although there are things I do not like about the world of academia (perhaps more on that at another time) I am attracted to this world and stimulated by participation in it.
- The negative emotion was envy. A number of doctoral students and lecturers were in attendance and some two years along, some 4, some more, and here I am day 1 of the PhD studies with a very long path ahead of me. So yes, definitely felt jealous of those who are already a fair way along the path and in particular past the first year where there is so much unknown.

I think I am going to start at least doing my PhD work on a wiki: http://pruesalter.wikispaces.com/ 
I found the process of working on a wiki really useful, being able to edit and arrange to have my supervisors be able to directly comment on what I am doing and monitor my progress easily seems like a great bonus. The pain will be backing up what I do, I think I will have to cut and paste each page into a word doc to back it up, unless anyone knows of an easier way?

Not much on the wiki yet but am starting to get my thoughts together and put a plan in place – think I will have a better idea where to start after the first orientation session late Feb.

So at the other end of the spectrum I have had the first orientation session of Cert 11 in Animal Care at the Zoo. The best part was the cotton top tamarins that are in a tree behind the glass wall at the education centre. They are the most magical little monkeys with minature faces and teensy teensy punk rocker white mohawks. We all watched them entranced. The next best bit is we get our uniform soon. But it is interesting to see how different the course is, it is all competencies and signing off of skills, I like it. I like the idea of having to demonstrate certain outcomes. It is very clear exactly what you have to do, how to do it, and how to demonstrate it is done.

Whereas the PhD rigght now is one big mass of unknown and possibilities of directions.